The Daily Jenn

I can’t remember how many friends and family members have said the words “I don’t agree with you, but I love you” to me. I couldn’t tell you how many times someone said “I love you despite you being gay.” I don’t know how many times I thought to myself “WOW! This person really cares about me, even though they don’t agree with me.” I wish I had loved myself more at the time, then I would have decided not to associate with people who loved me DESPITE who I am.

WHOA! Jennifer, calm down….did you just say that you would not have been friends with them. Yup, that’s what I’m saying.

Let me ask you this. How would you react if you heard someone say, to another human being, “I love you Tom, I don’t agree that you are black, but I still love you.” or how about “We can still be friends, despite the fact that you are a woman.” or even “If you only TRIED being white, maybe you would like it?”. Why do we, as a people, continue to accept the discrimination of other human beings? I will tell you why, because the ones discriminated against (like me) allow it to happen. I allow people to love me “despite” my gayness. I allow people to believe that it doesn’t hurt me to my very core to know that even the people who talk to me every day, hang out with me, call me their friend, only care about me DESPITE my being gay. These people, who believe that my marriage doesn’t have the same value as theirs, believe that I shouldn’t have kids, and believe that I can be “changed”, these are the people that I once called friends.

A very good friend of mine recently told me that they were against gay marriage. I tried to play it off like I didn’t care, even told myself (and them) that I respected their opinion, and that they had a right to it. I firmly believe that everyone has the right to their own opinion.

Little did I know this conversation would lead me through days and days of self examination and realization. During this time I examined my feelings about the situations that have strongly affected my life lately. For instance Jody dying, my wife of 10 years being devastated beyond belief and barely able to function, and the election of our next president, Barack Obama.

A lot of things go through your mind when someone dies. Contrary to my earlier assumption, life is not forever, people do actually cease to exist and there isn’t anything you can do about it. And when someones life does end, it leaves behind a wake of destruction that can take years to repair. As I sit in this wake of destruction, and focus all of my energy on taking care of Nita, I realize my own mortality and the reality of what would happen to her if I were to die. Nita and I have been together for over 10 years. She is the love of my life and our relationship grows stronger every day. But because we are the same sex, we cannot get married. Because so many people have decided to write discrimination into the constitutions of their states we are just two people living together.

The historic election of Barack Obama is a good step for our country. Whether you believe in his views or decisions for our country, you have to agree that it is amazing that we elected our first black president. I find it sad that while the majority of Americans looked past the color of President Obamas skin to vote him into the highest office our country can offer, those same Americans decided to discriminate against same sex couples by voting against our right to marriage.

I’ve never been a very good writer; I have a hard time expressing myself in every situation, in person or in words.

I think Nita said it best when she wrote these words to me: “It sucks to be excluded from my family because of prejudice. It sucks to have people stare at us on any given day just because we’re being affectionate to each other in public. It sucks to hear people say that if we got legally married then that would usher in the era of people marrying dogs or whatever creepy perverted scenarios they come up with to try and scare folks nowadays. It sucks to have to wait around for everybody to catch up to what we already know is true…or to maybe think that those we love will never catch up at all. But none of it would be as bad as to live my life without you. Or to have to pretend to the world that I’m not deeply in love with you.”

If you told me you didn’t believe blacks should have equal rights, I would not associate with you.

If you told me women were below men, I would not talk to you.

If you tell me you don’t believe I should have the right to get married to the love of my life for 10 years, we cannot be friends.

Credit goes to Nita for making this wonderful video. You can comment on it and rate it here

Tags: anchorage, anita wirawan, family, jennifer grattan, marriage

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